Monday, September 22, 2014

Night of My Last Drunk

(Or, ‘A Reckless Drunk!’’) July 25, 1984

At thirty-six, I looked closely at him, if he’d only come to realize his
       second awareness, what it was telling him—
His complaint!
His eyes appeared to burn with an insane recklessness, I noticed—
The white face, leaner, the skin drawn tightly from check to jaw, to check—
Crisscrossing the whole cheekbone, and then some!
I looked a long time in the bathroom mirror in the Chalet Bar,
That last night! I confronted the drunk inside of me!
A slight twist had come to my mouth I noticed: I think it was bitterness,
Frozen anger, for being me, a drunk.
“Tomorrow you’ll be back here,” that second mind, that other awareness
       told me, “and all those other tomorrows thereafter….”
The very carriage of my body, the way my clothes hung on me, my hygiene,
       all an advertisement to my intense recklessness with booze…
I thought about those far-off days, when I was not vexed with the
       compulsion to drink—
There was such a period, but I was so damn young then, I had nearly
       forgotten that once I was not a drunk.
I suppose you could call those days, self-sufficing, in lack of a better
       term— (thus, life in itself was enough)
Why was it that people had to live this way?
Why was it necessary?
That was the night of my last drunk!

No: 4557 (11:59 p.m.) 9-21-2014