Sunday, August 24, 2014

A Tired Poet (in Poetic Prose)

A Tired Poet (in Poetic Prose)

 I tolerate thee, and witness: I serve with all my thoughts.
If I provoke, I t wasn’t careless— D.L. Siluk

I am a tired poet.
A man of music and soul, and much more; for the whole of the world I
       could love and leave, and all the lovely little women, leave them in the
       cool shadow of the bush, and let them grieve.
That was when I was a gusty man, and not quite near a telltale poet!
When I was a man, you would not call a man, not tired, and belonged to no
       holy house—
Perhaps with every simmering moment more mouse than man; more bull
       and only wanting good times!
But now my blood creeps old, and slow, and God has washed my black
       soul; and I am a ramrod of a poet; perhaps too harsh a poet, too
       demanding an overseer, disciplinarian.
I was once like a child in a nightmare who hears a monster in the back of
       him, and cannot speak!
Oh, time enough has changed me, wrinkled my horns, filled up the mouse
       hole, for I gave my soul blindly to God with a slashed eye, and he
       asked, “What is it you want?”
Innocence and truth, blessed my last black breath, “A Poet” I said.
And he lifted and planted into my head, all the deadly virtues that plagued
       earth, and its death! Things a poet must know.
Thus as you see, I have little modesty.
Am I at such an hour of need, no longer demon-ridden, just tired, in need of
       something… but what?
Perchance a gusty wind.
I dabble in forgotten thoughts, I am like the ancient poet who dwells in
       gothic towers to avoid a hair of a sin, and still I find I  am not so unlike my colleagues an amateur evil—but nonetheless evil, a bad paradigm: a
       philology of Babel, for I have a love of learning from man, if only they
       could deliver eternal wisdom! But so few have (Ratzinger, being one who has).
I am a hieratic, sacerdotal in mind and soul for both sacred and secular
       writings; I try to push darkness over the edge of the world, and I break the law when it is obviously absurd, nonsense: for it serves neither God
       nor man; but that’s who I am: a man of paradox, as if coiled in the
       vulture boiling sun.
Yet I try to be an honorable poet even for the old rubbish and polluted
       world, a world draped white, and once under its canopy, tossed with hail stones, —

Yes, I had my stirring days, my youth!
And I wrote like other poets of innumerable images, with enchantment,
       confidence, like a bricklayer not forgetting where to put his mortar!
Seeking what my age demanded, but giving what I felt the age deserved!
I suppose this is what made me so tired, not broken, just tired!
Sitting back now in my plain chair, back slumped, slightly lowered eyes on
       my notebook paper, breathing slowly to write this prose poem out, that gravitas to my tiredness: I am sandwiched between space and time, I am
       matter with substance, thus, every word like an old man’s thick blood, forever to circle this body, causing me to move in slow motion, no, it is not
       death yet, only exhaustion: I have hidden energy, even in my REM
My tiredness is like old dust on kettles and clocks, and my old my piano, it
       shifts through the house to and fro, rides like rust on my flesh, and the hedges on my arms and legs crack, holds me down some,  and time has
       squeezed out of  my tongue all its substance; but God has taught me to love man, and animals and plants before this, the full gamut of life, grave
       and beloved  to even the grass, and even the daughters of darkness.

My wife says in my dreams, or perhaps nightmares, there are jagged
       fragments of my youth coming out in the middle of the night, this
       keeps my eyelids shut, a weight of a tired crumpled poet.
But I have found dignity, and with such, comes tragedy, I think:
       nevertheless, I am not empty.
And I will write on, I have more thoughts, although my head, my brain is
       like bad flooring, thus, down there in the dark I become unable to think,
       move… at times!
Yes I have come out of the lair of unfrocked youth, now dew dipped in
       layers of years, to old age, where sleep and good, and forever-ness, and slowness and deep thinking, and at a few corners perhaps rare
       wisdom surfaces, and now with hobnailed tales!
And with all this I find an imbalance coming into my left eye, in my ankles
       and knees, the balls of my feet, my temper at times can penetrate the walls.

There is no except from this tiredness, the atypical poet; what is the crime
       here he sees?
Out of a saint’s cell he has found it.
Hence, now the poet has become the owl, the fox; the latch of the cell has
       been lifted, and out of the webbed dark, the hearthstone tales of the world has been put into the heart of this tired poet, and like the dew that   
       falls on the wind, so does the task of those tales fall on the heart and soul of the poet, as the world falls silent as having been pushed into a
       cyclone of fear, he must express, tired or not, tell the gospel,  as the
       devil comes sly as a fox on his heels.

What is he going to tell? Tell that the saint in the cell committed him too
He has asked his Angelic Power, for this kind of strength.
       “The world has committed treason of a sad sort—; the world has come to being a snake eating his own tail; it has wounded its own head, with
       blasphemies to God, this is treason, and the world appears to be ignorant of it, or just indifferent to it, or pretending it isn’t!”
And yes, the tired, this tired poet knows it to be so true!
And he knows the judge who sits on the highest cloud with the politeness
       of a nobleman, is observing!
On earth they call him ‘The hangman’ because hatful hearts, abhor having
       discipline, order, rules; because they want to subvert the canons of God, without God’s permission, and cannot see that God has placed those
       cannons in place for man’s sacred safety. 
And the poet says to the man high up on the cloud:
        “You’re wasting your time, man has again fallen into the sea of sin!”
Accordingly, the poet broods, this tired poet broods in ill-health at times,
       his heart darkens, at man’s stage of justice.
God knows the poet because of the lack of his hesitancy to reason, and his
       generalizations, he would be to man’s disadvantage, should he make him a judge over man, so he will not allow the poet to step into such an
       office, even though he knows man has been reduced to a technical
And God reminds the poet, as tired as he may be: “Yes, their treason has
         tired you down and it has to some degree, annoyed me, but you were once like the various men you have witnessed, and now little in common
       with them but your poems—, but you do understand as a poet with a soul so baffled over the minds of the world, would only—if I allowed you to
       judge them—defeat my purpose, the very reason I went to the cross!”
“Yes,” the poet says, realizing between enmities and acting as God would
       Wish him to act; he’d lose the goat and the rope:
Why, because of his sentimentality, would have vanished, and he would
       have been the monster behind the  backs of the whole world.

The poet is thinking now, me! Is this tiredness, turning into madness!
Now at the end of days, is the old demon-ridden me, coming back?
He has pseudo-prophetic visions for the world.
Or what is it he has, is it just a broken egg? He’s thinking hard on this!
Should he be clapped in irons and sent to the nuthouse, like Pound was?
Yet, we pay him for the darkness, for the acumen he shed.
He did not discover that the world was wrong, or that it was committing
       treason, he simply pointed it out;
He knows it’s a crime against God, and he knows all life has gotten him
       tired, and at God’s calling he may be resistant or overwhelmed to go
       home, who’s to say until that very moment arrives—
But if he stops to think, perhaps he is looking for the impossible before
       that happens, and that would be, a bridge for man, and this in itself has
       already been done,  and Satan has consummated this a crime to cross.
But he wants to do more, and God knows this: his faithful cry, is the outcry 
       of a ceaseless, yet tired poet, against the ruled solar system.
Naked and unforsaken, he grieves for an abrupt change, but this will not
       happen: why? Because the lawless sun, and its solar system, is like man on earth, it comes designed with its own will.

No: 4527 (8-20-2014)