Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fragmented Desires

((Babenhausen Caserne, 1977) (Part two of three to; “Nightmare in Erie”))

He cared for her—for her best self that is: love, well, perhaps it was damp love, not the kind that molds two into a marriage, or ever creates a bond between one and the other, not a real romance, it never had time to develop, it was damp before they met, and when they met, they both were in need of a lifeboat, if not a life preserver.
       He learned her way as if she was a book though, opened at a certain page, one read and reread. And knew somewhere inside her there always would be that other person she  was—that person that steps away from the soul for the soul’s sake.  And that is what he was thinking about this morning walking to the woods…  
       in essence, it was not a healthy marriage, from the start, and to be frank he never felt so unsure of himself as now.
       —And it’s not over yet, he told himself, time and again.
       He loitered about among the indistinguishable foliage: it was summer, 1977. He lived outside the world of desires and their fulfillments. That is to say, inept and uncertain.
       He turned away—they were in the woods, behind the Babenhausen, Military Housing Compound, also referred to as Caserne. He was with his wife and twin boys, now five years old, they were waiting for a ride on his shoulders and back, Cody was first, and he got on his hands and knees and moved about like a bear, as Shawn tried to pull him off. Then Shawn got his turn, mostly on his shoulders, as Cody tried to jump up at Shawn’s feet and pull him off his father, whom was bent slightly.
       It was a fine feeling playing with the boys, he had told them, also telling them that there were wild boars in the woods, thus, they looked here and there every time they heard a noise, and to be honest, it was a true statement.
      Chick Evens longed for such weekends, playing with the boys, flying their kites, and so on, but the Army was demanding, and therefore, such occasions were far and in-between. But he enjoyed the moment, even his own fatigue, feeling the delight of the boys.
       Regretfully that morning would soon come to an end; it turned windy, and then came forenoon thunder.

       As he walked back to his apartment, knowing good and well the marriage was not going to last, that he could have had a good share of the pretty women of his time, just for the asking, but he also felt, why start now, especially with frustration and  fragmented desires.

#934 (6-23-2012)