Saturday, June 27, 2015
Herman the Hungry Giant
(An Antediluvian Tale)
In those far-off days, those days before the Great Flood there were Great Giants— whose heights were three hundred cubits high ((about 450- feet tall)(17 to 22 inches per cubit)) they consumed the harvest of all, or nearly all that the people planted, tilled, within their certain range of a hamlet, or village. There were 400,000-thousand, plus, of these giants, at various heights, and at the highest, as previously mentioned. And of course people detested feeding them. So it wasn’t uncommon for the giant to simply eat one or two, or a group of those so called protesters. Along with eating all the birds and wild beasts and reptiles and fish they could catch. And they drank the blood of man and beast alike. Herman, was liken to his colleagues, like to like, monkey see, monkey do. They weren’t the smartest life-force, or inhabitants on earth in those awful days, but they didn’t need to be. For whatever reason, there was war between the giants, who were acting like children, and the unholy angels, called Watchers, kept begetting giant sons, by way of cohabitating with earthly women. When the spirit of those angelic renegades mixed with flesh and blood, by way of sexual intercourse, such lust produces this wicked source of giants, it is what caused the great flood, God had even said, “I wish I’d not have even created man.’ He was scourged by such behavior. So God put a stop to it by pulling the rug from under the feet of the angelic renegades figurative speaking, and casting them into the Prison House for Angels; yet the war of the giants continued, and one of the last Great Giants was Herman.
The story requires the reader to take the top of this tale as truth, and the following, with a little stretching of the truth, but who knows, perhaps it is more nonfiction than I think myself.
Herman was as it became known in those days--born from the loins of a renegade angelic being—one such as I’ve previously described, who cohabitation with an earthly womanly of flesh and blood, making Herman in essence, an evil spirit, as any evil being from under the earth’s crust would eventually be called, and whom would after their deaths wonder aimlessly throughout the invisible world, forever and a day. Herman was evil as any giant ever was. The spirits of the giants oppressed each other for gain of food in those antediluvian days; which any given year they faced as mankind does today, famine and drought, and the lack of will by the farmer to till the ground.
Herman was so huge, that at his dinner table he ate usually sitting down on the gravel floor, there was no such chair to hold him, and during the course of his meal this one fine evening, he accidently swallowed Zagebe, a cabbage grower that still found it reasonable to feed Herman with his huge cabbages, receiving 30% of his crop, and those cabbages grew the size of watermelons, although they were like peas to Herman, thus, Herman found it profitable to not go out of his way to eat him or his wife, save, he’d not have no cabbages, but Zagebe had fallen to sleep on his cabbage wagon this one evening, halfway covered up by the vegetable, and lo and behold, his wife unseeing him for it was dusk when she came out to fetch the cabbage cart full of cabbages, already to be delivered, brought the cart to the residence of Herman, which was a huge grotto by Mt. Herman, and gave the cart to his cook.
Herman, now sitting at his table, eating his abundance of food: sixty guinea fowls, ten pigeons, a few bustards, a few capon chicks, wine sauce, a few woodcocks a whole deer, a sea duck, coots and an eel all the eatables on the table, and drinking sweet wine, Zagebe hearing the munching and swallowing of Herman, still wrapped up in cabbage awoke, as Herman tried to gulp down thirty cabbages at one time—he among them—and no more than a small handful to Herman, each cabbage no bigger than sparrow’s eye to him, opened up his mouth wide for delivery. With a stroke of good luck, Zagebe, became lodged between one good and large molar-tooth of Herman’s, and to one side was a cavity, which had a big hole to support him, so there he made his nest for the time being, and held on for dear life, hence he got thinking it was a short way from his tooth to his lips, and a long way from his lips to his stomach, and the longer he thought up a plan of escape, the more trying, and tired he became, it was by and large, an enduring experience to say the least, and too tired to contemplate or deliberate any longer—believe it or not—he fell to sleep again, — of course, after devising his half-witted plan, which was: when Herman took his siesta, he’d creep out along his gums which were like a scavengers sewage dump, but as the old saying goes: ‘You snooze, you lose!’ And now, for all practical purposes, he is snoozing.
Well, I hate to give you readers the bad news, but when Herman woke up, for he had fallen to sleep in a sitting position at his table, and had still some wine left in his metallic cup, henceforward, gulping the remaining wine down, in so doing, flushing Zagebe out of his decayed hole, and in a devouring torrent rush, Zagebe fell, as if in a deluge into the abyss of Herman’s stomach.
This story is not like Jonah, he did not get that lucky, and spit out on the shores of the sea, like the whale did for him, nor was he given any message to deliver to the corrupt Antediluvian people of his day, or Herman for that matter, as Jonah was given a message by God to deliver to Nineveh. There was no such rescue at the last minute, it was on his part bad-judgment, not bad luck, had he had better discretion things might have been a little different, that is to say, he should have escaped during one of those moments when Herman open-mouth yawning or for that matter, snoring, for he took a two hour siesta.
So the tale requires little more to be said: he was but a pea-straw to Herman, he never even knew what he did, he wasn’t even as crunchy as the cabbage; and thus, to make my last words to agree with my first, it came about that his wife—thought like Herman thought, — that being: Zagebe hoodwinked them dismissively had run off with the neighbor’s daughter, who was also missing (Herman thinking in particular: how foolish of him to match himself unnecessarily with my wits). And to add more throbbing to this story, if indeed you can forbear and read on—: about this time Herman went searching for his wife, finding her a little plump and ripe and eatable, he ate her out of spite, and of course having a ferocious appetite.
6-26 & 27-2015 (No: 1090) / Copyright © D.L. Siluk